Accessories not Included….

Hello everyone!! I do hope that all is well with each of you and yours.

**Warning*** I will be extremely random and transparent while flashing my flaws today, lol!

Have you ever noticed that television advertising for products which target a particular audience or age group, is extremely powerful and effective?  To use for an example, consider the television commercials advertising the latest and most popular toys.  The best advertisements are usually very visually appealing, and the toys featured are always shown performing amazing feats, with flashing lights or donned in the fanciest of outfits. Combine these elements with a catchy background tune, and children will almost always beg for that very product.

As effective as this type of advertising is, it can be just as equally misleading. However, one is only misled if they neglect to hear the key phrases at the end of the advertisement such as “Each sold separately’ or ‘Accessories not included‘.  For advertisement purposes, a product will hardly, if ever, be featured in a basic state–as it is the extra frills and accessories which actually sell the product.  And if one is not aware that these ‘extras’ are each sold separately and are not included at the time of purchase, they could easily feel slighted. But the truth is, the last line is merely advising the potential buyer that if they want to obtain the maximum quality and performance of the product featured, they must be willing to pay the price, but if not, they should not expect the same results as those advertised. The same is true in our lives.

Let me say this: I am extremely grateful to have everything I need and much more— I really am blessed.  Yet I have to admit–I am not quite satisfied with where I am in my life, and I don’t feel that I have accomplished what it is I am destined to do. Honestly, I don’t yet know what that is, but the advertisement in my head doesn’t match reality.  I often find myself feeling much like a slighted consumer, but now I realize that it’s the one who failed to listen to the last line in the advertisement.   I now understand that in order to have more out of life, I would need to pay the price to obtain the results advertised in my life’s vision for myself.  And I don’t mean material possessions necessarily—I am referring to a sense of  accomplishment, success–being proud of myself.  In some instances, I am where I am as a result of being gripped with self-doubt, insecurity and fear, when it comes to pursuing big dreams and taking risks.   In other words, I tend to play it safe because of my extreme fear of failure. But ultimately, there is no one or no thing to blame other than myself because almost always, I am just not willing to pay the price to get further along.

To provide a recent example (and one that nags at me most), I am one course and a Capstone away from obtaining a Master’s Degree in Public Administration. ONE course!!! This means that I have completed 30 of the 36 hours of the necessary coursework to obtain this Master’s, yet I stopped just short of my goal, but why???

Initially, it was because during the time that I was enrolled in my very last course of graduate school in January of 2021, my youngest Reagan, had just left home to complete basic training for the US Marine Corp, so I was experiencing what it is known as the ‘Empty Nest Syndrome’. My oldest Jokenzie, had left home to join the Navy in 2014, which was extremely hard, but after several days of weeping in the fetal position, I eventually adjusted, because I had to pull myself together as Reagan was still home with us. She graduated high school in 2018, and completed two years at an HBC before deciding to join the Marines, and up until she left, I would see her almost every day. But when she did leave, I had an extremely difficult time adjusting, and was not in the mental state to concentrate on my classes in graduate school, so I withdrew, and have never gone back. Now, I have very much adjusted to having an empty next–in fact I quite enjoy it,  and my mental space is somewhat healthy, so there is no reason for not completing my Master’s other than the fact that I just don’t want to continue paying the price for it.  Sometimes I wonder what went wrong with me…..

And this was only one example of my continual refusal to pay the price.  There are career opportunities that I did not and still do not pursue, because it would require me to update my job resume, which I absolutely HATE!! I settled for a profession that I am not passionate about because I gave up in trying to obtain work in my field of study (I have a Bachelors in Computer Information Systems) due to my lack of experience, and I was not willing to relocate in order to have a better chance at landing this type of work.

Very recently, I attempted to write a children’s book but quickly gave up because of an honest critique from my own SON, after he read a very rough draft.  Might I add, Jokenzie is no where near being an expert in writing or literature, and is one who I can’t even recall bringing home a text book!!!  But if he didn’t think it was good enough, what chance would I have with a publishing company?  And for an added bonus, I carry more weight in my mid-section than any other part of my body, and aside from genetics, it is because I am not willing to sacrifice the foods I love or take the time out to exercise.

I could go on and on flashing more of my flaws, but my point is, for the most part, I am living the life that I budgeted for.  Of course, there are some things that happen in our lives which are beyond our control—this is inevitable.  If and when these things happen, and they will, we can only pray for the grace and strength to overcome, and be careful not to blame ourselves for the things we could not see coming.  But in areas where we have complete control, such as the list I just shared, there is no reason for us to be envious or resentful of others because they seemingly live the life we think we should be living, especially if they were willing to pay the prices that we are not willing to pay.

So, if this speaks to you, go ahead and finish the courses, update the resume, relocate, go for a walk, pray a little more, take more steps of faith, go to marriage counseling—pay the price, so that you too, can have all the ‘Accessories not included‘ in your life.

Thank you for visiting and for reading. I look forward to sharing more soon and if you have any ideas for upcoming blogs or would like to share your thoughts as a guest blogger, let me know!!.